X-Men united in unemployment...
By: Corey "The Mighty Thor" Willinger
Some of my favorite Marvel comics were the "What If" storylines, where all bets were off, even as far as which characters would survive.What If The Hulk Killed Wolverineand What If Magneto Took Over the U.S. were some of the best. Here's one that might not be met with such adulation but speaks to the reality of the modern world.
What If the X-Men Went out of Business
In this economy, a lot of people are forced to take on the first job that becomes available. If the super hero business ever took a hit, where would the X-Men be directed based on the information shared they shared about themselves with the good people at the unemployment line?
Iceman - A fireman. Iceman's always been good at putting out flames. Just ask Pyro. As a member of his local fire department, Iceman would still be able to do a service to humanity and possibly save lives.
Storm - Meteorologist. As a TV anchor, Storm would be beloved by viewers for her uncanny ability to get the forecast right every time.
Jean Grey - A psychic. Along the same lines as Storm, people love someone who can predict the future. Reading her customer's mind, Jean could tell them so much about themselves, they'd believe any vague prediction she made later. "You're worried about your mother. She'll be all right."
Wolverine - A stuntman. Before joining the X-Men, Wolvie never cared much for the spotlight. He wouldn't be any different in Hollywood, where he'd be called in to take a nasty fall, shake himself off and grab a quick paycheck while the pretty boy actor made the real money.
Colossus - A demolition man. Though he was a farmer in Russia known for what he produced, Colossus wouldn't have a hard time making it in deconstruction. Razing a building would take him a fraction of the time it would take a full crew.
Beast - A mascot. One thing that will always remain constant about the NBA is its knack for weird mascots with amazing talents (The Suns employ a gorilla). With his acrobatic ability, Beast could make a halftime show almost worth the price of admission as he threw down some nasty dunks.
Nightcrawler - A magician. Vegas is a town fascinated with freaks, and the devilish-looking Nightcrawler would fit in perfectly. Bringing an act that would not only rival but surpass that of Penn and Teller, Nightcrawler could be on his feet again in no time at all. Now you see him, now you don't.
What If the X-Men Went out of Business
In this economy, a lot of people are forced to take on the first job that becomes available. If the super hero business ever took a hit, where would the X-Men be directed based on the information shared they shared about themselves with the good people at the unemployment line?
Iceman - A fireman. Iceman's always been good at putting out flames. Just ask Pyro. As a member of his local fire department, Iceman would still be able to do a service to humanity and possibly save lives.
Storm - Meteorologist. As a TV anchor, Storm would be beloved by viewers for her uncanny ability to get the forecast right every time.
Jean Grey - A psychic. Along the same lines as Storm, people love someone who can predict the future. Reading her customer's mind, Jean could tell them so much about themselves, they'd believe any vague prediction she made later. "You're worried about your mother. She'll be all right."
Wolverine - A stuntman. Before joining the X-Men, Wolvie never cared much for the spotlight. He wouldn't be any different in Hollywood, where he'd be called in to take a nasty fall, shake himself off and grab a quick paycheck while the pretty boy actor made the real money.
Colossus - A demolition man. Though he was a farmer in Russia known for what he produced, Colossus wouldn't have a hard time making it in deconstruction. Razing a building would take him a fraction of the time it would take a full crew.
Beast - A mascot. One thing that will always remain constant about the NBA is its knack for weird mascots with amazing talents (The Suns employ a gorilla). With his acrobatic ability, Beast could make a halftime show almost worth the price of admission as he threw down some nasty dunks.
Nightcrawler - A magician. Vegas is a town fascinated with freaks, and the devilish-looking Nightcrawler would fit in perfectly. Bringing an act that would not only rival but surpass that of Penn and Teller, Nightcrawler could be on his feet again in no time at all. Now you see him, now you don't.
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